No long far le down!

GENTLE READERS,

Fear not, I have not died, nor have I been abducted into an elaborate plot (unfortunately) but rather, the internet gods of the Netherlands are angry with me. Maybe because I downloaded every Star Trek movie. Ok, maybe that's the reason. Or maybe because the assholes upstairs have cut off the internet to our little three-person house downstairs (we’re all connected in this place). I'm not stealing some Wi-Fi at my friend Wouter’s place (who you’ve no doubt seen as the star in a recent episode of “Wouter in America”) from some low-key family who apparently has no qualms with keeping their wireless uuencoded.

Not only are the internet gods angry with me, so are the Blog Police. Bad form to let a blog go for too long, so I’ve learned, and so I’ll remember. *Flagellates self*

Things here have not been going excitingly, or boring. School is boring, I can tell you that much. Getting through this obligatory preordained construct is like pulling teeth for me. Or is it just like this because of my situation in the Netherlands? Lately I have found Dutch people to be extremely immature, cold and insincere. So much for Dutch straightforwardness.

But this has also allowed for the strong gentleman in me to come out; not last week, I had a meeting with the so-called administrator or right-hand-man of the boss-man of the conservatory, about what exactly to do with my classes. Boring boring boring, classes, classes, and school whatever. It seems so stupid when I write it out, considering the pressing problems of the world today, but I suppose some might want to hear about these “problems” so I’ll relate. This guys name is Miano.

Eric: You no give classes in English, I no give you money.
Miano: There was a Spanish guy who came here and learned Dutch in 6 months.
Eric: I'm not a Spanish guy.
Miano: This technically isn’t an International school.
Eric: I'm an international student; a foreigner of the Netherlands. I that not enough to constitute this an international organization? With this logic, you should only accept Dutch people. Why have you accepted me? No Ingles, no Euros.
Miano: I’ll see what I can do.


Anyway, I guess WE’LL SEE WHAT THEY’LL DO. Quite frankly, I’ve been studying what a gentleman is, and I’ve discovered he is not gentle, at all. In fact a gentleman is not worried at all with conflict, nor is he concerned with picking up the proverbial sword when necessecarily (flfuck that word). He looks after himself first, and then towards the wellbeing of others. Maybe you think that's selfish or egocentric, but think of it this way: “In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, an individual oxygen mask will drop down above you […] Remember to secure your mask first, before helping others. Even children.” Very true… for what good are you if you’re unconscious or dead?? Help yourself, and then the good-natured desire to help others will come naturally.

In closing for this brief update, I am taking no shit. I am setting preferences. I am deleting win/lose situations from my life. I have decided to push through fear and create things for myself, rather then bound to archaic and disappointing protocols. The school I am attending even made a mistake of giving me €1500 that they should not have given me. And to the best of the evidence and knowledge I have, I am not legally obligated to pay it back. If they kick me out for not being merciful because of their retarded administrative mistake, then it’s a blessing: I move to Amsterdam. Great success. If they forget about it, and let me stay, then they’ll be paying my own tuition for this year. Good thing too, because I'm getting hardly anything done otherwise; only the teachings I give myself, and am able to observe from the outside world. If they don't get me classes in English, I leave Tilburg, terminate my student status at the Fonty’s Conservatorium and move to Amsterdam anyway. Great success.

In the end, when you start taking control of the things you control in your life, how can you lose? You’re never helpless, you’re never out of control, and you yourself have the ability create or destroy any semblance of good or bad in your life. I might sound self-hellish because I'm speaking to myself as much as I am to you. Affirmations, baby ;-)

Ok… I believe that's it. Amsterdam, maybe you’ll be in my future soon.

No more planning. Only speculation and action. Planning assumes or presupposes that you have control of the future… er. No. You can plan to have control of the present, presupposing that the future present is congruent with your unconscious decision making abilities! Not a good idea to have given me the books “Blink” and “Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway”. Good stuff.


Love
-Eric Tiberius Sutherland