Here's something i made:
lolololololol
I've been in a bigggg depression lately. I'll spare you the gratuitous , self-absorbed tedium that goes along with posts about depression, but mainly theres been a LOT OF ANTHONY ROBBINS FLYING AROUND MY CAR SPEAKERS LATELY :-p *pacino voice* ohh funny! Speaking of, Deniro and Pacino are type cast together in a typically new york-italian badass flick called "Righteous Kill".
Ok so, that movie title sounds to me like if the "Halo" video games were actually super RELIGIOUS, and if your priest character lyke, totally just blew away 4 Arab martyrs, or Wiccan High Priestess, the omnipresent godlike announcer would say in the booming deep voice: "RIGHTEOUS KILLLL!!!!"
Ok but anyway... I've been thinking... whenever I talk to people about being down, or demotivated, or depressed, the common thing I get back is "What will make you FEEL better?" or, "how can you just feel better?" or... i dunno, anything involving the word "FEEL". I cannot stand this. This is such a misnomer... first off:
To FEEL, is not a serious reason or argument at all, in my opinion. Loads of people FEEL they're Napoleon. People FEEL god. People FEEL good. Drug addicts FEEL good when they're high. Does this imply that simply feeling good means you ARE good?
The Drug addiction thing is a perfect example. I can't take people seriously who say "Oh I just like to feel good". Well that dosen't really say anything about your state of well being. If I have a gaping wound in my leg, and i say "OHIJUSTWANNAFEELGOODGIVEMETHEMORPHINE!" then yes, i might feel fine. the pain will cease to be.
But does that mean it dosen't EXIST? Does that mean that by simply feeling no pain, that I am now all of the sudden better?? Of course not!! You've just cured the symptom, not the problem. So what I've been realizing, is that the advice of most people in matters of deep psycology cannot be taken so litterally all the time.. maybe i've been naive in thinking that everyone is wiser then me. Because I now can tell that sometimes they just dont know what they're talking about, becuase they either A.) Don't have any empathy for what I'm trying to communicate to them, or B.) They dont even have themselves worked out very well, and how can you describe whats outside a box if you're stuck IN a box?
Anyway... These are some thoughts. Thank you.
Love,
-e
4 comments:
Dear Eric,
I too have been in a deep depression for the last few months and only recently beginning to come out of it. I have discovered that the last thing I should do when depressed is ask people what to do about it. Like my mom would say, "I feel terrible that you are depressed." Thanks mom, helpful? no. And the answer, "do what makes you feel good." stupid. I don't feel like drinking myself to death or I would have already done it! Remember people I am DEPRESSED. In reflecting on my situation all I can say is you have to pull yourself out of it. lame but also true. How? I don't know. But one day in the near future you will wake up slightly more positive, envigorated and say to yourself, "Im going to change my life now." That's it. Wishing you well,
Love
Christie
Thanks girl! i'm glad this isn't an isolated incident. This is a bizarre time to be alive. I don't think any contemporary wisdom or tutelage has prepared us for this point in history... so i dunno what else I was gunna say LOLZ. anyway, I'm glad i know you.
Talk soon.
-e
Right on, Eric. I'm so glad to read you saying this. I personally think people (especially in America) are so intent on feeling no pain to the point that they over-analyze and over medicate themselves. Over-analyzing can make one feel like they do indeed have a problem, or that they are a problem, or that they're clinically depressed. But it think the same is true of you that it was of me in much of my 20's, which is I was not a depressed person, I was simply going through a hard time. Thankfully, after being asked to seek psychological help, the psychologist told me as much instead of prescribing me a pill and I'm eternally grateful for that.
People just want to fix things. It's hard to see someone with all of your talent, charm, handsomness and light feeling so down. And people just want for you to feel better, maybe because it would make them more comfortable or maybe just because they want to see you feel better about yourself, and see yourself in the same light that they see you. So I wouldn't get down on them for that, really. It's like that whole thing where women need to talk it out but men just want to fix it. Well, we attribute those traits to the sexes, but really I think it's merely a human response. Maybe they fear what you might consider doing to yourself if you remain down for too long. But I know you, as I know myself, and I don't believe anything self-damaging is on the agenda, no matter how low you go.
I love you, Eric. I have every confidence that you will find your way, and also that you are already well on your way. I like to think about all the things you've accomplished so far, at the tender age you're at. You are an amazing individual, and I'm forever proud and eternally envious of your amazing skill at being you. I have seen you swallow the advice of a lot of people who, I'm pretty certain, don't know themselves and are therefore unqualified to be feeding brilliant young minds like yours with their rubbish (I'm referring to those pickup artists... you know the ones, and I'm sorry, but I think they're rubbish). What pleases me is I see your rationality shining through, and your own sense of identity, your own sense of your path and how to tread it, it's all shining clearly through and I have every faith that you are going to be every inch the success that you hope to be because you are so astute you wont tolerate anyone's bullshit for very long.
Keep trying the paths. I love that you do. Keep stepping out and faltering, it's the only way for us to learn. I know we see people who are handed opportunities on a plate and I know how easy it is to wish that we were linked to someone who could give us that big break, etc. But it will feel so much more like you really own it when you get there on your own.
I'm right there with you, brother. I'm so proud of you. Keep the faith.
I love you.
Your sister.
Nicely put Mollness! I second her motions.
Mapa
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